The Open Door
by themagdelene
Summary: This is a parody of My Immortal, the worst fic I have ever read.


Author's Note: This is a parody of My Immortal, the worst fic I ever read in my life. None of the characters belong to me, not even Ebony. Flames and Reviews welcome!

Chapter 1: Sweet Sacrifice

Hi. My name is Ivory Light'ness Sanity Way. I'm not related to Gerard Way, but I am related to Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Way. I am her adopted sister. I am also half elf, and I go to Beaubaxton school. I refused to go to the same school as my idiotic adopted sister, and after much pleading, my parents gave in.  
>I have white hair (that is how I got my name), white skin, but red eyes, like rubies. They glow when I am happy, and become black when I am mad or sad. I am a prep and proud of it. My sister claims she is "goffik," whatever the fuck that means. I hate her and I hope she burns in the light of the sun, like all vampire bitches should.<p>

Everything seemed to be going great today! The sun was shining, the birds were singing, and I had just graduated from Beaubaxton. That was when I got the letter.

Dear Ivory Light'ness Sanity Way,  
>I am sure you know who I am before I even tell you, being that you are a rare type of elf that has telepathic powers. There is utter chaos in school, and we are fighting our most evil foe yet.<br>Your sister.  
>She is seducing all our students and turning them into gothic pieces of trash. I need your help into defeating her.<br>Hoping you are well,  
>Minerva McGonagall.<p>

I sigh and crumple the letter in my fist, before setting it on fire without using my wand. I am also a rare type of witch that can use wandless magic. I knew I'd be the one to kill that horrid whore, as I had dreams about her as a child before I came to live with her and her parents.  
>I took up my light blue cloak, and swung it about my slender shoulders, which were bare as I was wearing a tank top. I never got cold. After doing this, I apperated to Hogwarts.<p>

Eventually, I'd kill that bitch but I was more worried about taking her siren spell off those poor people.

Chapter 2: In the End.

I walk down the path leading to the castle, my white hair flowing behind me. It is very long, and reaching almost to my feet. I am dressed in white capris, a pink tank top with red letters that say "bitch", and a pair of red high heels. I look up and see a pair of men staring into a tower window, the whirr of a camera on the air. One of them appeared to be masturbating. I knew who had drawn their attention, feeling her foul energy on the air all ready. I sighed. I needed to break the spell with one of my own it seemed, so I started to sing. My voice is the high, trained soprano of a opera singer, but the lyrics of the song is that of a modern Lady Gaga song (a/n: if u dont know who lady gaga is, then fuk off!)

The two men immediately stop what they are doing and start to fly down.  
>"What happened? Where am I?" Lupin said, completely confused as to why his dick was hanging out of his pants.<br>"You're safe now." I say, softly as I lower my eyes at them both. "She can't hurt you anymore."  
>"Who-" Severus started to say, but there was a crash above us as Ebony smashed open a window and shrieked down at them.<br>"I'LL FUCKING KILL YOU, FUCKING PERVERTS!"  
>"Quick! Into the Forest!" I say, taking the camera from them. They both run into the Forest and I smash the camera under my high heeled shoe. As Ebony comes running down the stairs, she stops, her blue eyes flaring.<br>"YOU!" She shrieked.  
>"Me." I said simply. "Your plan won't work."<br>"What plan? I just want to live here and fuck my boyfriend!" Ebony returned. "You're the evil one! You fucking prep bitch!"  
>"So you say, but those boys are under your hypnotic spell and I have come to break it. You can't fool me, Ebony. You never have. Mother and Father may be under your thumb, but you know I'll never be." I lower my eyeslashes menacingly at her, my eyes turning slowly black. "Especially not Harry."<br>"His name isn't Harry anymore! It's Vampire!"  
>I laughed. "You've turned the Chosen One into a sniveling little goth fuck boy, haven't you?"<br>"He is sweet and kind and a vampire like me! And so is Draco! There is no way you'll be able to stop them from loving me!" Ebony took a defiant stance.  
>"Oh, yeah?"<br>I begin to sing again. I am singing Bad Romance by Lady Gaga. Ebony shrieks and claps her hands over her ears. Harry and Draco suddenly appeared at the door of the castle, seemingly in a trace. When they reach where I am standing, I stop singing and the spells break. Both mine and Ebony's.  
>"What the flying fuck am I wearing!" Draco growled, pulling the Simple Plan shirt off and throwing it aside. He then pulled out his wand and burned it to a cinder. Ebony shrieked and threw herself at Draco, blood tears streaming down her face.<br>"Draco! Don't listen to her! She's evil and wants you to join Voldemort!"  
>"Get off me, you crazy girl!" Draco snarled, pushing Ebony off him. "Why the hell am I wearing this stupid muggle clothing?"<br>Harry merely stood there, blinking. "How the hell did I get here? Last thing I remember I was in the forest of Dean with Hermione and Ron."  
>"Their names aren't Hermione and Ron anymore. They're B'loody and Diablo. You know this, Vampire!"<br>Harry stared at Ebony, completely confused. He turns to me, and asks. "What is this crazy woman babbling about?"  
>"I have no idea. You should probably get Hermione and Ron, then get back to searching for those..." She coughs. "Well, you know whats." I give a saucy wink, and he nods in understanding. Chains rattling, he runs off up the stairs to find Hermione and Ron.<br>Draco is currently fighting with Ebony, who is trying to undress him right in front of me. "You fucking skank!"  
>I raise my hand and point it at my sister. "Crucio." I said coldly, and she falls to the ground, screaming. "Go, Draco. Run. She'll keep chasing you if you stay here."<br>"Gladly." Draco said, glaring at Ebony as he leaves.  
>"YOU RUINED EVERYTHING, YOU FUCKING PREP WHORE!" Ebony shrieks at me before flying at me, and I calmly raise a hand and she stops in mid-air.<br>"You know I'm better then you. I have always been better then you."  
>"YOU DIE!" She pulled out a gun and began firing it at me. Using my superior elven speed, I dodge every bullet like Neo did in the Matrix. I speed toward her and knock the gun out of her out stretched hand. "Time to die." I say as I pull out...a nice, thick, juicy T-Bone Steak.<br>"NO!" She shrieks before I jam it down her throat, making her choke and gag. Then she immediately turns into dust, leaving the steak laying on the ground.  
>"You saved us!" Harry said, having come back with Ron and Hermione, who was furiously rubbing make up off her face.<br>"Yes, but as I am also a Sue, I have to now ask you to kill me."  
>"Kill you!" Ron gapes. "But you're so beautiful!"<br>"I know. That's why you need to do it, because my beauty is not for this world."  
>"Okay." Harry says and pulls out his wand. "I'm sorry."<br>"I'm not. Now that the world is saved from Ebony, you can stop Voldemort." I give a smile.  
>Harry waved his wand and I see a flash of light of green.<p>

THE END!


End file.
